reading

So I was reading this book yesterday and there was this incredibly lame joke. It went:

Three strings go to a bar. The first string goes in and asks the bartender for a drink, but the bartender says "I'm sorry we don't serve strings." The string then comes out and tells the other two strings about this. The second string, not believing the first string, then ties himself to the first string and goes in the bar, but is also rejected by the bartender. Frustrated, the third string ties himself to the first two strings and goes into the bar, asking for a drink. At this point, the bartender asks, "Hey! Aren't you one of those strings?" And the string replies "Nope, I'm a frayed knot." Get it? A frayed knot as compared to afraid not?

Ignoring the lame joke, reading does have its benefits. There are also flash videos about reading! Like THIS ONE! Beware the vulgar little bit right at the end. Also this video is NOT anti-Semitic. Verily, I say.

corruption!

To protect the identity of the antagonist of this post, much ado will be made and the bush will be beaten about.

Anyway, testimonials are awesome. Especially when you're in my friend's friend's friend's class. Apparently, he told me that he knows a guy who knows a guy whose teacher allowed them to write their own testimonials for one section of it. Yay for them.

Also, RE is a terrible thing to do.

WoW!

On the way back home today, I saw a cat sitting on a car. Really cute. :3

I also have been playing a lot of WoW on a...*gasp* FREE PRIVATE SERVER!!! Yes, the words *gasp* "free private server" have to be preceded by a gasp, just to show how awesome it is. In this *gasp* free private server, rates are 3x faster, so less grinding is needed, and there is, in fact, more time for level 70 fun.

Anyway, paladins are inherently awesome and imba, which as we all know has two meanings. One, Incredibly Magnificently Brilliantly Awesome, and two, the short form of imbalanced, i.e. good. Well paladins are both! Hahahahaha! Mwaahahahaha! Neeeeheeeheeehee! Kiiishhiiishiisshiiishiii! Ok I'll stop now. Kek.

el postponement

Well Comiccon on Saturday was pretty awesome, but I can't post about it until I get my hands on the highly prized picture of the Kakashang Haitake. Hence, to prevent my blog from rolling over and dying and creating a stench so people can walk in and say things like "dead" and "it smells like something rolled over and died here" or other things, this post will pone. Post-pone! kek.

So, when I was brainstorming for topics, I decided to write on something close to many of our hearts. The factors which induce gayness.

Factor #1: Older sister(s)
The logic behind this factor is bulletproof. People take after their older siblings and so having older sisters makes one effeminate. On the other hand, having younger siblings makes one try to become less like them, while they strive to become more like you. This, however, does not apply for older sisters 3-4 years older than you, as they are too busy to help you become gay.
Rarity: (2/5 - lots of people have older sisters)
Effect: (2/5 - this is where it gets more complex. after lots of research, I have found that having each younger sister reduces the base effect by 1, while each older sister increases it by 1)

Factor #2: Being artsy
While the first factor was rooted in logic, this one is pretty puzzling. Apparently, the arts (theatre, musical, etc) breed feminine traits. Hmm. This may have started when Leonardo da Vinci exercised his evil influence by become homosexual, but this has not yet been proven, despite advancements in modern science.
Rarity: (3/5 - not a lot of artsy people)
Effect: (4/5 - very potent; could possibly affect even arnold schwarzenegger)

Factor #3: Aligning oneself with someone else who is gay
Oho. This is killer. Peer pressure is one of the leading causes of drug abuse and turning gay. Not to say you should stay away. Just stay straight and you should be okay. That bout of rhyming poetry just gave me +1 gayness.
Rarity: - (2/5-4/5 - fluctuates depending on whether gay stocks are in bear or bull season)
Effect: (4/5 - very potent; could turn rambo gay)

Finally, it is time to grade yourself! Yaaaaaay reader interaction!
If you scored 5 points in "Effect" and above, you are turning gay.
If you scored 8 points and above, it's over.

Lastly, as an author's note, I would like to say that I am in no way discriminating against homosexuals, as the term "gay" I use profusely throughout this post is in a purely childish context, in which effeminate guys are all considered to be attracted to other guys. The statement on Leonardo da Vinci being homosexual was not discrimination. It is a FACT. If you still find yourself unable to continue reading due to moral dilemmas, feel free to interpret "gay" as "happy". I'm sure you'd be happy too, if you had 50 billion sisters one year older than you. Your mother would also have suffered excruciating pain.

disturbing news

This may or may not be old news for you, but it's a first for me.

The Bishan Gay has acquired a new weapon in his arsenal. INDEED. Now, aside from the Pedo-smile and the X-ray glasses (we all know that's why he keeps staring), he now has..........*drum roll* A CAMERA PHONE!!!!!! And he's getting good at it too, snapping away at little innocent boys strolling along in their tight, short, (yummy) pants. Ew, the Bishan Gay's shoes are not one to be standing in.

For more proof of his new gaybomb, you can refer to this video.



Beware.

milk *** tanuki...

Whoo. Haven't posted in really long. So then today I went to the hospital for my last appointment, which was to verify the test results of the aforementioned endoscopy.
Pros:
-Get to skip UNSW Writing Competition thanks to nifty appointment timing :D
-Nothing much wrong, except for inflammation
Cons:
-NOT ALLOWED TO DRINK TEA OMFGWTFBBQ

Evidently, the cons far outweigh the pros. It's quite gay, really. However, I plan to defy this by drinking tea occasionally when nobody is at home. Kek.

Another interesting thing happened during RE today. (RE is research education, much like IRS in primary school, for those who don't know) We were supposed to be doing our RE writing or whatever when Mr Tan (year head and physics teacher and ex-form teacher) walks by while we were playing a two-player flash game. Interesting conversation ensues:

Mr Tan: Hmmm. What RE project is this?
*everybody is nervously silent, but for some twisted reason Pek is hysterical*
Pek: *laughing* This RE project, this one! *closes window, revealing another browser window behind* MSN THAI!!! *laughs more*
Mr Tan: Harh. Oh really arh? *walks away*

This has confirmed two things. First, that Mr Tan is a nice teacher. Yay. ^_^ Second, and more importantly, that Pek is high on drugs. Or at least mentally unstable. Trivia: Did you know that 1 out of 6 adults has been reported to suffer from a mental illness? As such, it can be safely assumed that I and 4 other of Pek's acquaintances are perfectly sane. After all, if you don't know a crazy person, you are the crazy person.

On a side note, I have found out that the 7-Eleven outside Dhoby Ghaut MRT on the Plaza Sing side no longer sells bottled milk tea. -fin-

imba! ya-ha!

lol. Yes, I am feeling imba tonight. Why do I say so? Answer: I finished washing the dishes in record time! 3.5 minutes!!! MWAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA.

Now, dear readers (yes, to my surprise there appears to be more than one), you might be wondering what the "Ya-ha!" is for. After thinking through what I wanted to do during the holidays that would be productive, I decided to have long anime marathons. As of this moment, I have finished 2 short series, namely Alice Academy and Samurai 7 (which I had previously watched halfway, but decided to rewatch from the beginning). I have also caught up on the main three series I watch- Naruto, Bleach and One Piece. Lastly, I have just started watching Eyeshield 21, a funny, exciting, interesting anime about American Football (not rugby, due to certain vague differences). Go Wiki it or Google it or whatever.

On a slightly more negative note, I feel stupid. I tried to lower the TV volume with an air-con remote. Bleh.

the glass is 3/4 empty

Woo. Metaphors. By glass I meant holidays. Time has passed pretty quick and in 1 week and a bit, the tedium of school will be going on again. Sigh.

In order to realize just how scary this is, it is akin to having a monster hiding under your staircase. Or in your closet, if you don't have a staircase at home. Or any staircase you happen to be going down/up.

Still not scared? Then I have provided some scary materials. Read them all, it's pretty unnerving.
[EDIT: LINK DEAD. WILL REPOST ASAP]

lol. Have fun while it lasts.

P.S. Too much 4chan is apparently bad for your psyche.

nyps gathering

Today was the NYPS gathering, which was really quite fun.

Reached Cineleisure @ 11.40 or so, and saw Zong Xian, Yunyi and two other girls, whom I later found out were Yiting and Jiaying. Looked so different lol. Then James came along and I found that he was still taller than me. =.= Went to eat sushi at Suki Sushi, where the service was really slow and Baifeng got really pissed coz the waiters/waitresses kept daoing him. This was despite the fact that he well-manneredly said please and thank you, albeit laced with spite.

After sushi, we went to the arcade, where James treated me to one round of ParaParaParadise. Yay. It was pretty gay though, as apparently I wasn't doing the movements right or something. After that, we went to Meridien Hotel to play pool!

POOL. NOT IN POOL.

Right. Pool was really fun and we played for about three hours. During that period, I believe I made a significant improvement. :D And that's about all. Fun fun.

independence!

Righto.

Tomorrow my mom is going to work at her new jobby place, after a loooong hiatus. This means that I will be home alone! Yay! Pretty awesome stuff.

Will probably post something more solid in two days or so after the NYPS gathering thingy.

obama!

Yay! Obama is epic win!

CHANGE WE CAN BELIEVE IN!!!!!

world of pain

Today was a horrible day. I had to start fasting since 10 am because of some stupid endoscopy. Then, after enduring thirst and hunger and feeling like a blonde who starved in a grocery store, I arrived at the hospital.

To be precise, I had to undergo a gastroscopy. This is where they stick a thick tube down your throat to take pictures of your stomach. It was very, very, very uncomfortable. For one thing, the room was filled with interns or something just standing around taking notes while I spasmed around. They also gave me some icky tasting anaesthetic solution, which didn't help much. Throughout the entire process, I puked about 8 times and I also could not swallow without my throat feebly trying to contract with the tube blocking everything and shit.

NARGH. On the bright side, I didn't have to go for June camp recce. And the Milo at the hospital was yummy.

the forbidden kingdom!

lol. I just finished watching 'The Forbidden Kingdom'! A movie packed full of action, kungfu and bad english. A lot of bad english. The only characters speaking reasonably good english were the American boy and the Chinese girl. >_>

Action was pretty cool though, as there were some magical elements as well, like the Jade General guy shooting 'chi power' everywhere.

Plot was very stupid, though.

PLOT SUMMARY
*500 years ago*
Sun Wu Kong (Monkey King) is gallivanting around and goes to the Jade Emperor's peach party. Emperor is happy, but Jade Warlord is not. When Emperor goes to some 500 year meditation, leaving Warlord behind to govern China (evidently America and any other country was not included in the bargain), Warlord plots to defeat Monkey King. However, Monkey King has his golden stick, which makes him undefeatable. Warlord tricks Monkey King into dropping stick, then turns him into a nice stone statue. During the stonification process, Monkey King shows good sportsmanship, moving into a nice pose.

Monkey King Bar
A powerful staff used by a martial arts master. Grants +75 damage, 15% increased attack speed, and a 30% chance to deal 100 bonus damage on every attack stopping channeling spells. (not stated, but it also gives immunity to Jade Warlords >_>)

*TRANSITION INTO SOUTH BOSTON*

There is an American boy (Jason) who is some crazy kungfu fanatic, so he frequents a chinese pawn shop for kungfu videos. He later gets beaten up and forced to betray the pawn shop owner by this evil gang of older kids, where they rob and shoot the old owner. After shooting him, they go all "Oh noes! He's a witness!" and chase him to the rooftop, where Jason is pulled over the edge by the magical golden stick given to him by the owner.

*TRANSITION INTO CHINA*

Jason wakes up in a village where everyone speaks Chinese and where there are NO ENGLISH SUBTITLES. Evil Jade army comes and plunders village. Squad captain sees staff and tries to get it and Jackie Chan (drunk guy who pretends to be an immortal until he gets fatally wounded) saves him. Whee. It's all good up to this point, where Jackie Chan speaks his first word of english. After some plot development filled completely with either Chinese or bad english, two good characters Jet Li (Monkey King's kage bunshin) and Chinese girl (pipa-playing avenger) are introduced. A bad character is also introduced, which literally translated is the White Haired Witch, with Rapunzel-like powers of hair manipulation. There is a lot more fighting with nameless noob soldiers, then Witch shoots an arrow and it hits Jackie Chan, where it is revealed he can die! Jason goes to trade the golden stick for the Elixir of Immortality, but Witch wants the Elixir too, so they fight and Jason loses. Then Jet Li and girl and random monks from a nearby temple siege the place and Warlord hastily opens his portal to Mount Doom, hidden under Monkey King's statue. Jet Li then stops him from throwing the stick into the hot lava and after some fighting Witch dies and girl dies and Monkey King comes back after his kage bunshin dies. Warlord is then killed, dropping into Mount Doom and Jason is brought home by Emperor who returned from meditation.

*TRANSITION BACK TO BOSTON*

Jason owns the evil gang with his new-found kungfu skills. He then meets this Chinese girl who looks exactly like the dead one (evidently impossible as her family had died and she was too focused on revenge to think of continuing the family line). THE END.

Yup. It's silly all right.

pulling a PD

Today was relatively fun. Went to the Zoo early in the morning to undergo training for the "Zoolympix", an activity our group signed up for for RE. It basically involves us being game masters at certain stations in the Zoo, where we are supposed to engage little kids in interesting games for little kids.

Unfortunately, I am terrible with little kids, so we'll have to see how this turns out.

After the Zoo, I went to Pek's house for some Chinese Chess and Youtube-ing. Here, an interesting thing happened, as Pek's sister pulled a PD. This is what happened...

Pek's sister: Who's your friend, Wenjie?
Pek: Uh...Joshua.
Pek's sister: OH! REALLY?! He looks different.
Me: Ya rly. Hi.
Pek's sister: Nowai.

Firstly, I'd like to take that as a compliment. :3 Secondly, the gay internet slang at the end is purely fictitious, written to inject humour and possibly verisimilitude into an otherwise bland and insipid narrative. Everything else is factual, or at least factual to the extent of my memory.

P.S. If anyone is going out invite me!! :)
P.P.S. Pulling a PD is when you don't recognize someone when the PD-ee in question is in close vicinity or right in front of the PD-er.

quod erat demonstrandum

It's so boring.

Perhaps it's the lack of siblings to do anything with - though most people with siblings would probably violently disagree. >_>

Perhaps it's the lack of school, that ever annoying compulsory device that takes away boredom by replacing it with compulsory group boredom, like some satanic fascist boredom orgy. >_>

Or maybe it's just that I had expected too much fun to arise from the holidays. Much like the movie "Jumper", once all the hype has died down, you find that what you thought would be exciting action is really exciting action without a semblance of plot. To explain this ill-used metaphor, holidays are exciting fun, but without much meaning. Like playing 50 gazillion rounds of DotA or TF2 until like 1am, sleep, wake up at 11, repeat. Hence, in a word, BORING.

Q.E.D.

Haha I've always wanted to use that.

tabula rasa?

Yes, you've guessed it! I have returned to the "blog-o-sphere" or whatever they call it. This may or may not continue for a long (or even medium-length) period of time, but it is reasonable literary recreation nonetheless.

Righto. Some non-mandatory-but-heavily-recommended rules!
1. TAG!
2. LINK!
3. Don't expect a lot of pictures because my phone sucks.

That's all for today. Expect to see a new post or something in 2-4 days.

P.S. The lack of a strike-out font formatty thing-wing is very distressing.