So, when I was brainstorming for topics, I decided to write on something close to many of our hearts. The factors which induce gayness.
Factor #1: Older sister(s)
The logic behind this factor is bulletproof. People take after their older siblings and so having older sisters makes one effeminate. On the other hand, having younger siblings makes one try to become less like them, while they strive to become more like you. This, however, does not apply for older sisters 3-4 years older than you, as they are too busy to help you become gay.
Rarity:
(2/5 - lots of people have older sisters)Effect:
(2/5 - this is where it gets more complex. after lots of research, I have found that having each younger sister reduces the base effect by 1, while each older sister increases it by 1)Factor #2: Being artsy
While the first factor was rooted in logic, this one is pretty puzzling. Apparently, the arts (theatre, musical, etc) breed feminine traits. Hmm. This may have started when Leonardo da Vinci exercised his evil influence by become homosexual, but this has not yet been proven, despite advancements in modern science.
Rarity:
(3/5 - not a lot of artsy people)Effect:
(4/5 - very potent; could possibly affect even arnold schwarzenegger)Factor #3: Aligning oneself with someone else who is gay
Oho. This is killer. Peer pressure is one of the leading causes of drug abuse and turning gay. Not to say you should stay away. Just stay straight and you should be okay. That bout of rhyming poetry just gave me +1 gayness.
Rarity:
- (2/5-4/5 - fluctuates depending on whether gay stocks are in bear or bull season)Effect:
(4/5 - very potent; could turn rambo gay)Finally, it is time to grade yourself! Yaaaaaay reader interaction!
If you scored 5 points in "Effect" and above, you are turning gay.
If you scored 8 points and above, it's over.
Lastly, as an author's note, I would like to say that I am in no way discriminating against homosexuals, as the term "gay" I use profusely throughout this post is in a purely childish context, in which effeminate guys are all considered to be attracted to other guys. The statement on Leonardo da Vinci being homosexual was not discrimination. It is a FACT. If you still find yourself unable to continue reading due to moral dilemmas, feel free to interpret "gay" as "happy". I'm sure you'd be happy too, if you had 50 billion sisters one year older than you. Your mother would also have suffered excruciating pain.
